Couples Counselling
Understanding what's happening beneath the conflict.
Relationships can be one of our greatest sources of connection and sometimes one of our greatest sources of pain.
Perhaps you're having the same argument again and again.
Maybe communication quickly becomes defensive, angry or shuts down completely.
Perhaps you've become emotionally distant.
Or something significant such as infidelity, betrayal or a loss of trust has happened.
Sometimes it's difficult even to identify when things changed. You simply know thatthe relationship doesn't feel the way it once did.
What Brings Couples to Therapy
Couples come for support with difficulties including:
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recurring arguments
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communication problems
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emotional distance
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loss of connection
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infidelity or betrayal
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rebuilding trust
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differences around intimacy
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major life pressures
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boundaries
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different expectations
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past experiences affecting the current relationship
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uncertainty about whether to remain together
You don't have to wait until your relationship is at breaking point.
What's Beneath the Argument?
Sometimes what you're arguing about isn't the whole story.
Underneath anger may be hurt.
Underneath criticism may be a longing to feel valued.
Underneath withdrawal may be fear of getting things wrong.
And underneath recurring disagreements may be a deeper need to feel safe, important, understood or connected.
My approach is influenced by attachment theory and psychodynamic thinking.
Rather than deciding who is right and who is wrong, we become curious about what happens between you.
Repeating Relationship Cycles
One person may seek reassurance when they feel insecure while the otherwithdraws because the intensity feels overwhelming.
The more one pursues, the more the other withdraws.
The more one withdraws, the more frightened the other becomes.
Understanding the cycle can create an opportunity to stop seeing each other as the problem and start understanding what happens between you. This pattern is described across your couples and attachment pages.
Infidelity & Betrayal
Infidelity or another significant betrayal can profoundly destabilise a relationship.
Couples counselling can provide a structured space to explore what has happened, understand its impact and consider what each of you needs.
It doesn't mean excusing the betrayal or rushing towards forgiveness.
For some couples, therapy may form part of rebuilding trust. For others, it provides somewhere to consider what they want for the future.
A Space for Both of You
I don't take sides
Both partners need the opportunity to speak, be heard and have their experience taken seriously.
My role isn't to tell you whether to stay together or separate.
It is to help you understand yourselves, each other and the relationship more clearly so that you can make informed choices about what happens next.
