Shame & Self Worth

Shame can sound like:
"I'm not good enough"

"I'm too much"

"I'm not enough"
"Everyone else copes better than me"
"If people really knew me, they wouldn't like me"

Or simply:
"There's something wrong with me"
Shame can become so familiar that it stops feeling like a feeling and starts feeling like a fact about who you are.

Therapy can help you begin questioning that story.

Shame Isn't the Same as Guilt
Guilt says:
"I did something wrong"
Shame says:
I am something wrong"
That difference matters.

When shame becomes deeply rooted, it can influence relationships, confidence, boundaries and the expectations we place upon ourselves.

Shame Doesn't Always Look Like Low Confidence
It can appear as:

• perfectionism

• people-pleasing

• difficulty saying no

• fear of criticism

• over-apologising

• constantly comparing yourself

• finding compliments uncomfortable

• needing to prove your worth

• difficulty asking for help

• hiding parts of yourself

• feeling like an imposter

• staying in relationships where your needs aren't being met.

 

Sometimes shame even hides behind success.

Where Does Shame Come From?

There isn't one answer.

Experiences of criticism, comparison, rejection, bullying, neglect, abuse or relationships in which acceptance seemed conditional can all influence the beliefs we develop about ourselves. Your existing page also recognises that sometimes
shame is connected not only with what happened, but with what was missing.

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Therapy isn't about finding someone to blame.
It's about understanding how you came to believe what you believe about yourself.

The Inner Critic
Many of us have an internal voice that speaks to us in a way we would never speak to another person.
Rather than simply trying to silence that voice, we can become curious about it.
Where did it learn to talk to you like that?
What does it think it's protecting you from?
Understanding the inner critic doesn't mean agreeing with it.
It means understanding the why behind the what.
Moving From Judgement to Curiosity

Therapy can help move the question from:
"What's wrong with me?"
towards:
"What happened, what did I learn, and why might this make sense?"

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The aim isn't to never experience insecurity again.

It's for shame to stop defining who you are.